i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
