im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
