Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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