What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Even my vagina gasped.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
