You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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