Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
