just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Randomize
