dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
