I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
