roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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