thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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