i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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