Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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