you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just blew my weed a kiss
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
