i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
