can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
