just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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