Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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