Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I am mentally ready for anal.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
