OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
