I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
