I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
