That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
