its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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