it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
