dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
