I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
