Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You left your phone here
Wait...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
