I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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