My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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