No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Randomize
