it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
