OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
