Please don't use social media to get back at me.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
