His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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