I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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