thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
