super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
