He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
