i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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