I wanna bring you to show and tell
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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