I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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