I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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