I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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