I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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