Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
