i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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