3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
