your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
