I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
